she's gone...she's really gone.

i dont think i'mma be talkin to many people from now on, b/c i'm so depressed and wanting just to leave and disappear.

i miss her too goddamned much. why does she have to do this shit to me? leave me and then hook up with someone else right away? why!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

i've been crying all evening hoping that someone could help me. but no one's home or available. which is the even sadder part.

found a good game online where i get to manage a band.

here's the link if you're interested. :-)


http://www.musicrivals.com/game/profile.php?viewid=3499

is MySpace down? b/c i tried to log on and it wouldn't let me.. *pouts*

if anyone wants to add me, my user name is hypnotiqmystery

well Sophia is gone as my best friend. she packed up her shit this morning, and i found a box on my porch with all my lil junk in there. some very interesting shit, b/c when you're high and kinda drunk ya lose stuff. i found out where my old black and white wallet went to. kinda surprised to see that in there.

there was a note attached to it. guess Sophia didn't have enough courage to tell me goodbye in person. she told me that she's going to live with her ex out in California.
kinda gonna miss my lil tranny boy. b/c well...she's not gonna be a she anymore. and for some odd reason she's going back to LA to live life as a guy. *ish shocked*

anywho...other than that work was fine. kept listening to people bitch about it going to snow tonight.

UPDATE: finally got the van running. but it was more than we expected to pay

miscellaneous rant: ok. i know i should probably put this behind a cut, but oh well. i'm a lazy bitch right now.

ok...here's my little piece of bitching.

what to start with first?

hmm...maybe my life. but that's too obvious. but i'm simple minded right now from being a lil too stoned. but...how come when men sleep with lots of women and still have a baby mama who he goes home to every night doesn't get caught. because this guy i know is like that and i always wonder what if he was that slick or his baby mama is stupid. i kinda think the latter, b/c i know his baby mama is like self-conscious. i mean for cryin out loud, i went to high school with her. and well, she's kinda big boned(not that i'm knocking big boned or nothing. but just making a point about her.) and i know alot of people teased her behind her back. but ya know i'm just wondering.

hmmm....maybe instead of the short, quick, and simple posts. i should start doing these long ones to make ya think. b/c well. i'm wanting to be more active and being a better friend to ya'll who consider me a friend or "what-not"

so for all ya'll from me here's a hug ***hugs***

btw, for all ya'll who care about the "days of jennie's life" soap opera. i work from 5-11 tomorrow, cant wait to get that shift over and done with. so that way i'm only one day away from my day off.

trillian really sucks. so dont d/l it. :-)

hmm...i'll post more in a bit when i finally get the room to stop spinning

i'm tired of always having my money always planned out and spent by her. the bitch!
i'm tired of having my life always planned around my mom's fat ass!
i'm tired of being bitched at when i first wake up.
i'm tired of not being able to stand up for myself.

i just want to be able to do with my shit what i want.

i'm tired of being so aggrivated all the time. and worst of all. mom's the one causing it. b/c up until i wake up in the morning i'm all good. and then mom's bitching at me.

it's tearing me apart bit by bit. and i feel like i'm dying because i cant get a moment of silence.

and then mom's pissing me off to the point where i can only cry. but i'm stuck and miserable. someone kill me? please.

goddamn i fucking hate my life. anyone got a gun so they could shoot me. coz i dont know how much more i can take before i break?

someone save me please?????

well today is the day. lol. the big 22. oohee.

waited most of the day for dina's bitch ass to show up. just got off the phone with her and like, she's on her way. so i'mma get drunk and high and not remember nothing.

on good news, it's actually sunny today. i guess the weather is a sign of the year to come up.

but i doubt it eh? coz things never go as planned. or ass planned. haha.

well 2 days and countin till my birthday. for all ya'll who dont know it's on friday. :-(

so depressing, the thought of getting older. lol. and i'm only almost 22

been crying for awhile now. just found out my aunt Peg died. :-(

anyone else wanna add themselves to the dead board?

but then i wanna try having a seance so i can find out why we didn't know sooner. b/c i loved my auntie alot. hell i love my family, all of em, but none of em give a shit about me. seems like it.

sorry haven't updated lately. been really sad again. but this time it's not because of a person. it's because i hate my life right now. i hate it that i'm stuck in a dead end job with brain dead coworkers who cant even show up on time.

had to close at seven pm, because this dumb cunt Ashley never showed the fuck up. i called Fawn, she told me to stay till 7 and close up. i bitched about having to work at 7 am in the fucken morning at another store. which means i gotta be up at 5:30 to catch the 6:00 bus. and be there at 7!!!!! wtf!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

and i haven't slept! what the hell is up with this. i cant sleep, i cant seem to get a goddamned break from anyone! why in the hell does everyone fucking hate me! huh? i mean, 'm trying to be the best person i can be, but it seems that fate fucking hates me!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=somebodysnobody

fill it out

my sadness poem
Current mood: depressed
Category: Romance and Relationships

i'm afraid my dear
yes, i'm afraid
if when i say goodnight
will it be the last time
will it be the last time
we say goodnight
oh yes, my dear i'm afraid

why do you hurt me so
my sweet sweet delight
why must you push me away
only to leave me puzzled
all i want is to draw you in
and hold you all the night
when you mention her
it tears me up inside,
but then hearing it in others words
hurts more.
i only want to be happy
only want to love you
just because i need you
my sweet delight

all poems by me

x-posted to my MySpace journal

well we got a blizzard. planned to go out to walmart today but i'm snowed in with mom and the cats.

alicia was gonna come over. but she crashed her truck on the beltline. which is hilarious, she's always claiming to be this "goody/goody driver" and sayin she'll never be in a crash.

but my laughter was shortlived. lol. i got stuck in a snowbank when i was driving earlier. still stuck there too. coz we got like almost 2 feet of snow

oh well, dont have to work today so i'll be on the messangers or i'll be around. :-)

~jenny~

decided to redo my journal yet again. wanted a darker look instead of the light and fluffy look that i'm so used to.

today is well...today. i have thursday off so i'm like yeah! but i didn't have a good valentines day. i hated it too. cried most of the day, b/c well...this is the first one i didn't have any idea of what to do since everyone was in such a good mood. and i'm the damper, sayin fuck valentines day n everything.

totally odd thoughts pop into my head right now. wish to write them all down but lol...i'm too lazy. hehe. :-)

been having weird dreams as of late.

depressed b/c well it's valentines day and so many bad things happen to me on Valentines day. blah. wish i could just sleep all today. but then i gotta work.

just gettin over the stomach flu. yeah i know when it rains for me it pours. blah. damned mortons salt! for making that phrase catchy!

well, doesn't look too good for the American Olympic Team. Bode Miller getting d/q'ed and all. i'm just gonna give up and root for the Norwegians or Swedes.
call me a turncoat, i dont care. oh well. i'm depressed enough.

so yeah. talk more later.

1. Can you dance?

~yes...although i haven't danced much as of late~

2. Who is your current crush?

~my girlfriend~

3. Tell us about a dream you remember.

~last night where i was being chased through the Alps by these Interpol looking guys. and i was a James Bond-ish type gal~

4. Do you live with anyone, or do you live by yourself?

~live with mom~

5. When is the last time you bled from an injury?

~everytme i go to work. i find someway of cutting myself on accident...'m a klutz~

updating at wrok again.

sick as a dog. b/c it snowed yesterday and smart ass me went out without a coat on. so i went and salted the driveways and lot without a coat. chilled to the bone...and then i sat out there talking to a customer for a few and well...learned alot about cars.

valentines day is coming up...i'm pissed b/c i requested it off and now i dont have it off b/c of ashley requesting it off to go to the doctors. :-(

oh well, just think of the paychecks eh?

mom gets her first paycheck this coming up week. she's geeked about it.
well, so am i b/c she dont have to keep asking me for money


well i'mma get back to work ya'll

i've got tomorrow off so i'll b online most likely.

~~jennie~~

posting here at work. kinda depressed. wait i'm fully depressed. :-(

dont really wanna be at work right now, just wanna be in my bed sleeping.

tonya still hasn't called me...and that's weird, b/c she usually calls by now. :-( i miss her. :-(

she called at like 2 am telling me to call her in the morning when i woke up, and she'd be home. i called her and no one was home. i guess when people are drunk, they dont keep their promises. or i'm not that special. oh well, aint gonna throw a goddamned pity party for myself.

i'm a loser.

you know what...i'm tired of everyone lying to me. i'm tired of getting my hopes up and then having them shattered just like my dreams. i tell the truth to everyone, and bam, what happens everyone lies to me! WTF is up with that. huh?

maybe, they all think i'm too fragile. but i'm not. i'm a survivor baby! and i aint gonna give up. but you know what? fuck all this shit, b/c i dont need the drama.

peace...

if ya wanna call me sometime. just aske me for my number.
otherwise, cya round the flipside

jennie

the closer it gets to Valentines Day the more i get depressed that i'm alone...i know i have a girlfriend and all. but i wish i had her here to cuddle and love me. i keep crying for some odd reason. and i've been extremely moody.

been really depressed as of late. haven't wanted to update till now.

got a new g-mail address for all of yall who want to know

it's.....

depressedbarbie@gmail.com

work is well...blah. having to train mom to work. and that's really testing my patience with her.

well i'mma go and be like productve before work. next day off is saturday. been working all this week nonstop

i feel so unimportant. my life is falling apart rght now and no one's ever there.

for one, i'm crushed that she would even think i'd be cheatng on her. and 'm crushed that i might lose her ....i dont want to lose her. god i love her so much.

and then....i have to work at 5:30 again tomorrow morning till 7:00am. and then come in later on and close. :( my life fucking sucks. mom has her interview tomorrow morning. so no sleep for jennie tonight. fuck fuck fuck.

but a good thing, i talked and made peace with an ex of mine.

maybe now would be a good time to take up chain smoking? i'm so stressed out, i could just scream.

fuck this shit i'm out.
jennie

well i'm still awake...haven't slept. and just got home from work. drama drama drama. why in the fuck is there drama!!!!! blach. i absolutely hate it...hadda work over at Schroeder road store today. felt like a coming home party. but i was there since five this morning to like two o'clock. which wasn't that bad. nine hours on my feet but the buzzing almost killed me. *shakes head* i felt like i was gonna kill myself or something.


everything sucks right now...

i went through my friends page and read all of em. commented as much as i could.

this morning is weird, we actually got snow...which means i'mma have my driving lesson later on this morning...

mom's got an interview with my boss on monday.she's excited. but Fawn can be intimidating. so i'm worried. lol. i'm sure she'll do fine.

i got my read-only password for photobucket
so here's the link

http://photobucket.com/albums/y160/hypnotiqmystery/

password: onetwostep

there's alot of my pics and my girlfriend's pics...as well as icons and blinkies

well i changed my look and feel of my journal. hehe. thought it was time for a little change.

went for a little humor. couldn't really think of anything else. hehe. as you can tell i was really bored and couldn't sleep so i'm sitting here not doing anything and well got this big idea to edit my livejournal. so enjoie. :)


hope i can be on later on...coz i have a driving lesson in the morning...or later w/e...hehe. then gotta study the Wisconsin Drivers Manual from the DMV...wish me luck on the test. coz 'm not that good at studying. in fact i'm ADHD. blah.

*crosses fingers*

love these icons so i uploaded em to my user pics. but here's some more. incase you're too lazy like me....hehe. i'll put em on here my favorte is the first

Fri Feb 3, 6:20 AM ET

HARTFORD, Conn. - Police are investigating whether as many as seven teenage girls have been sexually assaulted by men they met through the popular Web site MySpace.com.

The girls, ages 12 to 16, are from Middletown and say they were fondled or had consensual sex with men who turned out to be older than they claimed. None of the incidents appeared to be violent, said Middletown Police Sgt. Bill McKenna.

He said it was difficult to determine the exact number of victims because some girls have been reluctant to disclose that they met their assailants online.

The social networking Web site allows users to create profiles that can include photos, personal information and even cell phone numbers.

In a statement Thursday, MySpace.com said it was committed to providing a safe environment for its users. The site, which includes safety tips, also prohibits use by anyone younger than 14, though a disclaimer says the people who run the site can't always tell if users are lying about their ages.

feeling a little better today.

i finally got my free incoming calls back on the cell phone. seems they changed service. and in the meantime i get my shit for free. :-) which i love.

so feel free to call if you know my cell phone number.

still congested alot. having trouble breathing though, but i can taste stuff now. can taste when i eat and drink somefin.

omg. ok. first a roof collapses in florida bed bath and beyond...a radio tower collapses in texas...and now a car in Los Angeles slams into a store...and finally a ferry sinks in Egypt. wtf is up with this stuff.

today is weird most definite.

anyone want some chocolate?

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	cheese	give me anything with cheese and i'll be like putty in your hand. :-)
Literary:	Rubyfruit Jungle	love the book...it's like so sad, but so real
Audiovisual:	Strawberry Shortcake	loved it since i was a little kid.
Musical:	electronica	dancing is my passion. watch as i shake my ass....
Celebrity:	Pam Grier	mmmm....Kit from L Word and Jackie Brown....

Now I tag:-

blackrover david192 jason_bond_69 rockgirljenn and doctorteeth


to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE.

ok. thought i pissed tonya off. but i didn't it was her phoen that hung up on us.

i swear i love that girl so much. :) very new feeling for me

I GOT A VEHICLE TODAY!!!

didn't think it was appropriate to say "car" when in fact it's a mini van.
:) *smiles big*

yeah. we got a white minivan from a friend of moms and mine. for 300 usd. :))

finally i get to pamper something...make something like a Pimpmobile!!!

just woke up. in a good mood,well not really.but i'm sane at least. lol. anywho. been coughing like crazy. which is annoying. specially when ya talking to your girlfriend and you sound like you've been chain smoking. blah.

my hair is a fro today. it's hilarious. coz i went to look in the mirror near my bed, and i'm like "dyno-mite" j/p.

blah...news on cnn is so boring. damned republicunts. that alito guy got made a judge. that's what happens i guess when you have a lot of money and you can pay people to like ya. *gags*

well i'm off to chat on messangers. if you need me i'm on there. :-)

blah. haven't updated in awhile. only because i'm still sick as a dog. and i'm pissed off too. maybe b/c this stupid cold turned into the flu and bronchitis...i'm coughing so much it isn't lady like.

oh well...anyone wanna breathe for me? went to work today, only b/c it was a day shift. and well...i thought i could handle it.

ok. what is it with me that people like? lol. i really dont see it in myself.

oh well. lmao. i'm just pissy and i'm trying to stay awake.

day shift went quite stressful, ended up breaknig down in tears b/c when i dont feel good and i'm stressed it's unbearable. so i cried at work in the cooler. :-(

then the girl i was traning on friday and saturday showed up 20 minutes late....geez...couldn't catch a break. but i did get my small state check back yesterday so i'm not complaining.

i hate my life.
nuff said.

jennie

sorry about the influx of entries a few minz ago. i'm readin and repostin some of this shit. coz i found it true and hilarious. which is weird. lmao.


so I'M SORRY YA'LL!!!!!!


jennie

( another one cut for those without humor )

I will die on Sunday, January 26, 2059 When will you? Calculate Your Death Date

got a mad head cold. blah. feeling like shit today.


bitched out by boss yesterday for not plus selling. she threatened to cut my hours if i didn't sell..but then she threatened to cut two other people's hours. which sucks.

today is dina's birthday, she's finally 19!!!!

how's this all for an update?

btw, my two month anniversary was the 24th. on our three month anniversary, it'll be my birthday. so for all ya'lls info mine's coming up.lol

i just wanna collapse in a lil puddle and croak..ribbit ribbit.

peace ya'll
jennie

haven't updated in awhile so i'mma do this while i get prepared to call Tonya.

well, not much is new. cept i got my income tax forms from my employer today. so as soon as Jennie gets a day off, she's gonna file those bitches. and when they come back...oooh ee! lol. i'm goin on a shoppin spree. naw, not really. i'm just gonna pay up a few bills and buy a car.

there's finally snow on the ground. i know. it rocks my socks. but anywho, it snowed last night on my first day back to work. everyone was like driving crazy last night.

a good story for all you auto freaks out there: a guy comes in and fills up his car...car only takes unleaded fuel....guy wasn't paying attention to what he was putting into his tank. and he fills up with Diesel. and for all ya'll who dont know, diesel fuel in a non-diesel car/auto ruins the engine if you turn on the car.
so well, the guy calls a tow truck after telling me what happened. and like the tow truck almost drops the car.
it sure was a nail biter eh?

well gonna go for now....

hugs and crackers
jennie

slept till like an hour ago. really tired.....guess i'm catchin up on missed sleep.
it's snowing here.

i'm alone and bored....

oh btw, if i can find tonya a place to stay and a job she said she'd move up here in 2 weeks.**jumps for joy**
i been lookin like crazy for jobs and places. i told mom that she could stay here. mom likes her, b/c she makes me smile. this is the happiest i've ever been with anyone.

anywho, i got her letter yesterday. it smelled Hot! that and her ring was a perfect fit for me. so i'm wearing her class ring on my left ring finger. :D

i'm off then since i hadda update coz i'm sure everyone just wanted an update. :P j/k

catch ya on messangers.

aim:isparqle4u
yahoo:cuteredhead20
msn:livingwiththeundead@hotmail.com

feel free to add me...but tell me who u r first or else i'll think it's a stalker or sumfin.

~jennie~

well since everyone is posting one of these i might have well post one of my own. so ask away. :-)
ask me a question about each of the following:

[FRIENDS]
[SEX]
[MUSIC]
[GUYS/GALS]
[EVERYDAY LIFE]
[LOVE]
[LJ]
[RANDOM] (anything, seriously)

no matter how rude, sexual, or confidential, ask away. then post this in your journal.
Don't be afraid! I will answer anything!

I got my new phone today!!!!

i'm so happy. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

ok. now if ya wanna call me i'll most likely definately answer....hehehe!

((lay of the crack right?))

i called tonya right away coz i said i'd call when i got it

sorry about not updating in awhile. i've been in kinda a weird mood where i haven't been talking to anyone. only one i've been talkin to is my soljah...:) whom i miss like crazy now.

let's see...work is rather fucked up right now. people have been just pissing me off as of late. and well, it's taking all my might not to snap at them. which would be very bad...today one of my regular customers hit on my mom. coz he was like you look nothing like your mom jennie.

oi...i swear i was adopted. either that or mom's been keeping a secret of my dad for all these years.

my stomach hurts still...it's the ulcer acting up again. so now 'im taking prilosec. *scrunches face up* the pills are so nasty.
but i'm losing weight b/c i'm not eating...and dont go thinking i'm anorexic. b/c only reason i'm not eating is b/c everything i eat gives me bad stomach pains. :(

RIP-Shelley Winters....for all ya'll who dont keep up with oldie movies, that's Roseanne's mother on the syndicated show "Roseanne"

oi. well i'm off to bed or to surf the net. or maybe i'll search for piccies to send to Tonya. coz i gotta find my "NKOTB" shirt pic.

~jennie~

seems i didn't read the whole thing on the DHL page. it says next business day :-( so i dont get my package till monday :( dammit!

i get my new Vonage phone tomorrow!!!! so yeah. i have an out of state area code, which means if anyone decides to call, they'll have to use long distance to call me. :-) if ya want my number, email me.

well...i'm home from work. had a weird night. got freaked out still. and for all ya'll who dont know. i was robbed via gunpoint at work a few weeks ago. and like i've been scared to be alone, so i have to have someone there with me at the job or else i just get paralyzed with fear. 'im workin on the fear part. but i just get really energetic and dont wanna be inside.

so anywho, yeah. the highlight of work, was when Tonya called. I absolutely love talking to her b/c i always miss her so much.

i'm debating on something...just out of curiosity...is there a Quahog,RI??? or did Family Guy make up a random city?

and if there is a Quahog then i'm so there! :-P

just got out of the shower a little bit ago. couldn't sleep. so i'm writing some more.

ooh...ooh...i bought Tonya a jeweled rose. I'mma send it to her for valentines day...but shh...;-) no one's sposed to know. lmao

listening to alot of Black Eyed Peas today....almost wore the CD out, coz i keep playin all the songs. n i know all the words to some of em. trying to figure out "bebot"...which is in filipino.
ooh ooh...they released "pump it" on radio today. heard it. and cranked it up on the loudspeaker at work. the people at the pumps were so freakin out coz i played music over the loudspeaker. but hells yeah. lol.

that one eyed kitten pic i seen was weird, i was staring at it for the longest time. trying to figure out what exactly it was...then i read the headline and found out it was a kitten. *hits self upside head"

well i'm out


~jennie~

*sighs happily* i talked to her online today. i'm so happy now. almost giddy.

woke up normal time this morning. kinda grumpy again. but for all of ya'll who dont know much about me, i always try n wake up happy. but this morning. i'm like "fuck t i'm going back to sleep" so i just woke up and came back to the computer and well...voila here i am.

been dealing with friend drama all day long. Sophia came over and was hangng with mom all morning. She kept bitching about how much it sucks being single. she wants me to find her a girlfriend/boyfriend. :( i'm not up on my matchmaking skills right now b/c i'm depressed and missing my girl right now.

CNN is uber boring right now. and i'm too lazy to change the channel. haha.

ooh...work from 3-11 should be interesting. but for me today is payday, so it shall be interesting. :-P

well i'm out to surf the pipelines

jennie